I Spy Fridays: Spy Tricks

August 3, 2007 at 6:28 pm (I Spy Friday)

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fake names.

 sometimes spies use fake names. these fake names might be code names, so that nobody will know their real name. Other times real names are used, but not by the right people. when i  post here, you’ll notice that i dont use real names for people that i talk about: Party Gurl, GQ, Chief, Irish, etc. no, they’re not spies. get real. but technically i am one and im trying to protect their identities, so i give them nicknames.

now, in the first book, i had to do some on-site research that had to do with interviewing a person. so instead of using my own name (cuz i had to keep everything on the DL), i used a real one: lois kent.

okay, so maybe its a combo of lois lane and clark kent, but it could really be someones name. for reals. i mean, using lois lane would’ve been too obvious.

if you were a spy and had to use a fake name, what would it be?

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I Spy Fridays: Snitch Tip

July 8, 2007 at 10:12 am (I Spy Friday)

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 since i bailed on friday a couple of weeks ago, i’ll give you two tips today. 

#2 take notes. i know, i know. you do enough of this in school, right? but all good snitches take notes. at least, the ones who work for agencies with three letters do. its called “writing reports”, and no, i dont mean like a book report or something. higher ups want to know what youre doing. especially if theyre paying you to do it. and you gotta cover your be-hind, so you need to carry around a small notebook with you at all times. and if youre a high school student, that should be no problem because you do that on a daily basis anyway.

# 11 keep your eyes and ears open.  as you know, this is called eavesdropping. well, at least the part about keeping your ears open, that is. keeping your eyes open is just about making sure youre aware of your surroundings at all times. if anything seems out of the ordinary, write it down. or tell someone of authority. if the something suspicious is coming from someone of authority then run like hell in the other direction. because youre screwed.

 cmon, come in. im on the case

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I Spy Fridays: Snitch Tip #6

June 22, 2007 at 1:13 pm (Chief, I Spy Friday, snitching, The Company, The Job)

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be sure to have a trusted contact person

and no, im not talking about your best friend, the bum on the street or the barista behind the counter at the starbucks you go to every morning. im talking about the person who goes and reports back to someone official. someone whos not going to screw you over by turning you in. ya know, like on those cops shows? all the cops have a trusted source on the street and they always go to that source because they know the word. and that trusted source will always trust that cop because theyve never given up a name. see what i mean?

Chief is my trusted person. i know what he does for a living. its because of what he does that made me seek him out in the first place. and because of the person i am, Chief would cut off his own arm before screwing me over. but he was different. he was the deal breaker. no Chief, no agreement with The Company.

trusted sources dont have to be in an official capacity, though, like cops. newspaper reporters are pretty cool. or so ive heard. and those reporters on your local tv new stations arent exactly alien lifeforms. just sayin’.

cmon, come in. im on the case

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I Spy Fridays: Snitch Tip #9

June 15, 2007 at 1:33 pm (I Spy Friday, snitching, The Other Job)

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Have another job to fall back on.

which is why i havent been posting more regularly. ive been working the Other job at the daycare almost everyday after school. sometimes on weekends, too. its always important to have another job to fall back on when youre snitching. this gives you something to talk about with your friends. besides, your friends will probably have jobs too and you dont want to look like a complete idiot when their talking about their jobs and you dont have one. you dont want them to think youll be hanging on to mommy and daddys pockets forever, right?

cmon, come in. im on the case.

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I Spy Friday: Snitch Tip

June 1, 2007 at 5:54 pm (I Spy Friday)

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#5 – have reliable transportation. this is especially important when you have to check out a lead, trail somebody…or, ya know, make a quick getaway.

cmon, come in. im on the case.

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I Spy Friday: How to Become a Snitch for The Company

May 25, 2007 at 10:47 am (I Spy Friday, The Company)

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for the record, here’s the official statement on The Company’s use of informants:

The courts have recognized that the government’s use of informants is lawful and often essential to the effectiveness of properly authorized law enforcement investigations. However, use of informants to assist in the investigation of criminal activity may involve an element of deception, intrusion into the privacy of individuals, or cooperation with persons whose reliability and motivation may be open to question.

Although it is legally permissible for the The Company to use informants in its investigations, special care is taken to carefully evaluate and closely supervise their use so the rights of individuals under investigation are not infringed. The Company can only use informants consistent with specific guidelines issued by the Attorney General that control the use of informants.”

so, about that specific guidelines thing? couldnt tell you what those would be. i dont remember reading about them, or having Chief read them to me when I signed my life away started my new life here.  ive heard they sometimes use teenagers to help them catch online predators. they teach their agents how to talk like teenagers in chat rooms and stuff. doubt they get paid for it. they probably get like a plaque or a certificate. something lame like that.

in my case, you have to upstage The Company. You have to make them look bad, and make their agents seem like bumbling idiots like that inspector dude from the pink panther movies. should The Company ever approach you and offer you a position as a snitch informant, you will want to haggle: “if you want me to do this for you, you have to do something for me.” and make sure its something big. and realistic. i mean, they cant make it so you dont have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. you would have to do something mongo like save the world. but they could buy you a car, a really expensive vacation or college tuition for all 4 years. or, ya know, a whole new life somewhere else (but this might depend on how long theyve been after the criminal in question).

so, stay tuned for next friday when I post a Snitch Tip.

cmon, come in. im on the case.

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I Spy Friday: The Difference Between Him and Those Other Guys

May 4, 2007 at 10:47 pm (celise downs, Chief, I Spy Friday, some introspection, The Company)

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Almost two years ago, you know that I cashed in my Get Out of Hell Free card (see Hello, My Name is…post) and headed to the Valley of the Sun. Okay, well maybe you didn’t know that last part, but I basically left a craptacular old life and started over. Although I owe The Company for helping out with that, Chief (not his real name) was the main reason for getting out. Chief is a beautiful 6’3 Apache Indian, an ex-Navy SEAL, and the owner of Black Hawk Protection Agency. I’m his client and he’s my guardian–so to speak–until I turn 18.

There are companies out there that offer personal protection or security individuals: people who will analyze and protect someones personal business,home or property. Making sure someone is safe in their surroundings. Of course, there are also private investigators that can provide services for the individual (think spousal or matrimonial stuff) or a small business. But that’s not how Black Hawk Protection Agency works. It started with Chief, then the guys from his SEAL unit joined after their tour was up, and now he’s in charge of almost ten guys.

And they protect children, ages 4 to 19.

Children born of famous actors, actresses, visiting dignitaries, and billionaries.

And a then-15 yr old girl who’d sold her soul to the devil The Company for a new life.

In Celise’s words, “He’s the Vaughn to your Sidney.” (Can we say, too much Alias, boys and girls?)

I never watched the show, but it was one of her favorites and she explained what she meant.

So, yeah. I like it. Cool.

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