celise sent me this article today. shes funny that way. sending me articles that she thinks i should read. she says her mother used to do that with her and her older siser when they were living by themselves. she still does it, actually, she just saves the newspaper for them when they go over to visit. lol. i like celises parents. theyre great.

 so it seems that celise is getting into the habit of sending them to me now. like some kind of family tradition or something. so, yeah, for the record my ring finger is longer than my index finger. but im good at both subjects. so does that mean im special? or just a freak of nature?

what about you?

cmon, come in. im on the case.

i saw this in the yahoo headlines toda: Study: Young girls more likely to be fat.

so here are my two suggestions:

1) ban barbie. its obvious these girls are spending too much time playing dress up.

2) make p.e. in the schools mandatory. and none of that hokey square dancing crap that celise had to go thru way back in the day. do something with a lot of running around like kickball, raquetball, tennis or volleyball. not that i would know much about this P.E. thing, seeing as how i was homeschooled and now attend a charter school. but, y’know, ive heard rumors.

 im just sayin’.

C’mon, come in. im on the case.

saw this DEAR ABBY letter on yahoo entertainment today: 

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a dumb question, but I really need to know the answer. Can you get pregnant when your breasts are still underdeveloped? My boyfriend says you can’t, but I need to know for sure. I’m afraid to keep birth control in my room because my little sister, who I have to share a room with, constantly snoops through my stuff when I’m not there. She would be sure to show it to our parents if she found it because she loves to get me in trouble, so I really need to know the answer to this. — QUESTIONING IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR QUESTIONING: There is no such thing as a “dumb” question. Your boyfriend is mistaken. Breast development has nothing to do with whether a girl can become pregnant. The onset of a young woman’s menstrual cycle has everything to do with it. Under no circumstances should you have unprotected sex. Not only will it place you at risk for pregnancy, but also for sexually transmitted infections.

dear abby says theres no such thing as a dumb question, but im sorry…

THIS IS CLEARLY A DUMB QUESTION.

im a 16 yr old virgin–hey, i ain’t got nothin’ to hide. sort of–and even i know that…

THIS IS CLEARLY A DUMB QUESTION.

if this girl was old enough to handle sex, she would know that…

THIS IS CLEARLY A DUMB QUESTION.

who all here can clearly see this girl is too young to be having sex? raise your hand.

who all here thinks the girl should kick her immature boyfriend to the curb for saying something so stupid in the first place? raise your hand.

 who all here thinks dear abby shouldve added a post-it note like: “but you really should wait until youre MATURE enough to have sex?” raise your hand.

who all here thinks we should track this girl down, slap her silly, then tell her mother about the BC pills? raise your hand.

who all here wants to know how she got the BC pills in the first place? raise your hand. [im probably all cavegurl about this, me being a virgin and all, but really, how is this possible? dont you have to be a certain age? arent these pills prescribed by doctors?]

who all here wants to know why the mother hasnt had “the birds and the bees” and the “you’ll be a woman soon” discussion with this girl? raise your hand.

who all here wants to know what backwoods school in oklahoma isnt teaching their kids sex ed? raise your hand.

yeah. me too. 

cmon, come in. im on the case.

Almost two years ago, you know that I cashed in my Get Out of Hell Free card (see Hello, My Name is…post) and headed to the Valley of the Sun. Okay, well maybe you didn’t know that last part, but I basically left a craptacular old life and started over. Although I owe The Company for helping out with that, Chief (not his real name) was the main reason for getting out. Chief is a beautiful 6′3 Apache Indian, an ex-Navy SEAL, and the owner of Black Hawk Protection Agency. I’m his client and he’s my guardian–so to speak–until I turn 18.

There are companies out there that offer personal protection or security individuals: people who will analyze and protect someones personal business,home or property. Making sure someone is safe in their surroundings. Of course, there are also private investigators that can provide services for the individual (think spousal or matrimonial stuff) or a small business. But that’s not how Black Hawk Protection Agency works. It started with Chief, then the guys from his SEAL unit joined after their tour was up, and now he’s in charge of almost ten guys.

And they protect children, ages 4 to 19.

Children born of famous actors, actresses, visiting dignitaries, and billionaries.

And a then-15 yr old girl who’d sold her soul to the devil The Company for a new life.

In Celise’s words, “He’s the Vaughn to your Sidney.” (Can we say, too much Alias, boys and girls?)

I never watched the show, but it was one of her favorites and she explained what she meant.

So, yeah. I like it. Cool.

In Yahoo headlines today Disney Unveils social network for preteens.

How cute is this? And I mean that in a purely sarcastic way. So, this is like MySpace Disney, for kids 14 and under.

The preteens.

The preteens who already have a page on MySpace and thirty thousand friends to go with it.

The preteens who already have an up-all-night page on MySpace that are now going to gravitate towards a 9 o’clock-lights-out curfew on MySpace Disney.

Uh. Huh.

Not that I’m knockin’ Disney (love the movies, love the theme parks) or the Disney Channel. Quite the contrary:

“Hello, my name is Draven Atreides and I’m a former That’s So Raven addict. I’ve been clean for three years and counting.”

Notice how we kinda have the same name? Coincidence, I assure you. My stories will end up on the Disney Channel some day–mark my words–and the kidlets will have to get used to a new name…and a new girl. Party Girl, GQ, get your bags packed, cuz Hollywood, here we come!

Blink. Blink. Ahem.

Sorry. Got lost there for a moment. Seriously, I think it’s a great idea what they’re trying to do. What with all the sexual predators trolling through cyberspace these days, parents have to come up with new ways to protect their kids. I just think that when a kid hits the age of 14, it’s going to be all over but the cryin’ and they’re going to want to upgrade to the real deal.

I’m just sayin’.

Come on, come in. I’m on the case.